The 1st week of school was pretty good, a few aggressive actions toward her peers but nothing like we were seeing last year. This week (so far) has been the best 3 days she has had in 2 years. Her behavior is improving greatly. Her teacher this is very fair and very calm. It’s making a huge difference. There is no yelling in the classroom, you can tell she is building her up, not tearing her down.
She comes home happy and she loves to talk about her day. Seeing the way she is acting so far this year about school shows me last year was a horrible experience for her. One she did not want to talk about. I already have an IEP (individual education plan) meeting next week to talk with all staff dealing with Hannah on a weekly basis, so we are all the same page and we are doing what is best for her…. This school is really impressing me. (I know it’s been a week and 3 days, I am not letting my guard down.) However they have done more for Hannah in a week and 3 days than any other school she has been in since preschool. They truly seem to care about Hannah, the way you would expect a special needs teacher to care about her students. The way we though the teacher care about her last year.
For the first time in a long time I feel like I have finally made a good decision for Hannah. Making decisions for her was becoming very stressful for me …. I was starting to feel “mommy guilt” regardless of the decision I had to make. I felt like I was always failing her, and it was making me very sad. (all the mommies out there know how awful mommy guilt feels) I know I could have never known any of this was going to happen but I still feel like I should have pushed more for her last year, to be placed where I wanted her, but I let them talk me into the school closes to us. I know there are so many “what if’s”, “could haves” and “should haves” but I am starting to see they are going to be a big part of me getting pass this mess and learning from them. I am learning to trust that “mommy gut” so many other wiser mommies’ have told me about. Parenthood doesn’t come with instruction, we learn as we go, but when you have a child with special needs it make the “learning as you go” part that much scarier!!! Looking back just 6 years ago and how naive I was, She was such an easy baby… she was so healthy…. So typical-ish …. I honestly thought it would be no different raising her than it would be to raise a child without special needs…. I am learning VERY quickly I was VERY wrong. There are small details parents of typical children never have to deal with…I am in no way complaining…. I am very thankful for all the lord has a loud me to experience good and bad… it all will make me a better mommy and a better me!!!